“…A tear
that hangs inside my soul forever” Jeff Buckley
Grief is, according
to the Collins dictionary, an `Intense emotional suffering caused by loss,
disaster, misfortune, acute sorrow, deep sadness etc´ or how about in layman´s
terms, ‘It hurts so fucking much it quite literally takes your breath away and
leaves you gasping for air, a feeling in your chest that physically hurts. A
sensation of desolation and emptiness inside, feeling surreal and disconnected
from this so -called reality and all those who inhabit it.’
That at
least is my personal definition of grief and bereavement in the year 2022, two
years into these dark pandemic times after experiencing multiple losses and
personal trauma.
And now, the
real PTSD is kicking in big time, both collectively and personally...
Death is, the
ONLY thing, aside from birth, that is a complete collective reality for every
living being on this planet.
Whether in the West, where it is on many
levels still a taboo subject, cold and distant, yet another financial
opportunity for those who profit from it, though deeply draining economically
and emotionally for those left behind. In life we are merely a number in the
system, and no different in death, a horrendous bureaucratic process for the
grieving loved ones.
But then came 2020 and whatever your views or
beliefs, it will eventually go down as one of the most divisive, dark, confusing,
and horrifying periods in recent history. Two years of hell of varying
proportions depending on where in the world you live and what level of
imprisonment, sickness or death you were subjected to.
A time that
highlighted for many what we already knew and understood about this current system, that proved what little power
and choice we had over our own lives and deaths and those of our loved ones.
During this
period, my family and I, alongside millions worldwide, experienced losing our
nearest and dearest rapidly and traumatically, three family members in three
countries within nine months, as well as the loss of friends and acquaintances.
These were not all a direct cause of COVID but the rules and restrictions in
place made what was already very painful into dark nightmares.
The simplest
basic inalienable right to accompany, touch, kiss and hug your loved one goodbye
on their final journey in those last days, weeks or even months on this planet
was banned, no longer permitted and even worse…
The speed
of the entire death process was increased to extreme levels with added burial
and funeral restrictions, no help offered, no grief counselling, the admittance
by hospital staff of allowing elderly to die as they claimed there was no room
for them in the hospitals…
I heard
first hand of people being cremated without the consent of loved ones and
served only with the bill....
Funeral
limitations, mourners not permitted to attend or fly to see their loved ones. The
list is endless and of course varies from country to country.
I know with
great certainty, that I am far from alone in feeling rage, shock, sorrow, and
incomprehension of what occurred that has left me at times almost incapable of
getting through the day, shaken to the core and left reeling. Nightmares, extreme
anxiety, depression, PTSD, I am not ashamed to share how this has left me
broken, how an ambulance siren makes me shake and leaves me breathless, how
even the mention of the word COVID makes me sick to the stomach…
I recently shared
my experiences and grief on a YouTube channel whose title was ‘overwhelm’ and
the large response my post received showed very clearly the immense suffering
and intense overwhelm people are experiencing worldwide.
The long-term
consequences of the trauma of the past two years cannot be underestimated ever.
Overall suicide rates have gone through the roof, the impossible expectation of
a return to so called normality that is so far from normal following the
extreme measures and fear mongering from the government and mainstream media.
Apart from the government´s get out clause,
the endless repetition of ``unprecedented times´´ it would be more accurate to
say ´we are living in unprecedented times therefore that enables us to make the
most inhumane, extreme, and often deeply illogical decisions and pass emergency
laws that render us immune to public outrage and criminal charges´.
The extreme
knee jerk reaction by governments, health institutions and media are
responsible for increasing levels of extreme overwhelm and tragic consequences…
I spoke in
a previous article about the detrimental effects on mental health particularly
on young children and adolescents following a period where millions were isolated,
separated from natural human interaction, many then developing a level of
agoraphobia, fearful of crowds, fearful of touch and hugs and closeness. Developing
a level of coldness, sense of division, judgement, and losing the simple act of
spontaneity. An affliction (for that is what I perceive it to be) affecting
both adults and children.
Will a
percentage of the population ever be able to reconnect with those spontaneous
acts of demonstrative physical interaction again?
The economic suffering, huge social division,
stunted emotional development amongst children and the youth, isolation, and
loneliness. These are catastrophic on the collective and their effects must not
be underestimated.
We are now
being bombarded with threats of World War three, the so called increasing
nuclear threat from Russia, food shortages, increasing inflation and more
sickness whilst still attempting to process our shock, grief and loss of the
last two years. It is too much.
So, how do
I cope with grief in pandemic times? Where can I find help for grief and trauma
post pandemic? It is very easy to feel intensely isolated and alone following
death at the best of times but now more than ever.
I write this article in Spain, where I am
fortunate to have caring friends but am not fortunate with regards to access to
adequate mental health care. The system was already far from adequate and never
was enough money invested in mental health care, seen always as of secondary
importance but has now reached extreme levels. The hospital psychiatrist himself
admitted to me it is a horrendous situation and he is disgusted by the hospital´s
lack of care and treatment.
It is time society understood that we are
holistic beings, and a healthy mind is crucial for a healthy society. We must
reach out and communicate, form support groups and listen to each other. Take
time in nature, quiet, things that nurture our soul and bring comfort. Turn off
the news for it is extremely detrimental to mental and spiritual wellbeing and
most is sensationalist. Find even a couple of people that you can share your
feelings with…
I am not
afraid to admit I tried too long to cope, being strong for everyone and
fighting until eventually my mind and body said enough is enough. I am now
slowly recovering, accepting it is a day-to-day process and approaching the
healing from both a holistic and orthodox medicine approach. It is not weakness
to reach out and ask for help, to admit to friends, family or medical
professionals that you are suffering, struggling, it may surprise you how many share your
feelings of overwhelm. Be kind to yourself and understand these are very
difficult times and it´s ok to not be okay…
n. the
anguish experienced after significant loss, usually the death of a beloved
person. Grief is often distinguished from bereavement and mourning. Not all
bereavements result in a strong grief response, and not all grief is given
public expression (see disenfranchised grief). Grief often includes
physiological distress, separation anxiety, confusion, yearning, obsessive
dwelling on the past, and apprehension about the future. Intense grief can
become life-threatening through disruption of the immune system, self-neglect,
and suicidal thoughts. Grief may also take the form of regret for something
lost, remorse for something done, or sorrow for a mishap to oneself.
Source: https://dictionary.apa.org/grief American psychological association
Dedicated to dad, Ivor, Ashley and all those lost and who lost...
Artwork by Yasmin Braganza
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